By Beverly André Davis
The following are actual exam answers written by college students from the United States and Canada:
In the first book of the Bible – Guinessess – Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain once asked: “Am I my brother’s son?”
Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birthmark.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He is famous only because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors.
Queen Elizabeth, the Virgin Queen was a great success. When she exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “Hurrah.
* A little American boy watched his mother try on a new dress “You sure are beautiful,” he assured her. “You look just like Abraham Lincoln!”
* The teacher was explaining arithmetic problems and was delighted to see a tall boy considered the dullest in the class was watching intently. At last he was beginning to understand.
When she had finished she said to him “You were so interested, Cicero I am so proud of you. I am sure you want to ask some questions.”
“Ma’am,” he drawled “I got one to ask. Where do them numbers go when you rub them off the board?
* A woman was scolding her boyfriend on how unromantic he was, to which he replied chuckling “Honey, if this isn’t love, it will have to do until my wife leaves for Europe
* A teacher who had just received her salary, took the money out of the envelope and held it up for the class to see.
“What is this Teddy Jones?” she asked.
“A pay envelope that contains your salary.” Said Teddy Jones.
“Any questions children?” asked the teacher.
“Yes, please teacher,” said one little boy with a puzzled frown “Where do you work?
* A man thanking his guest at his wedding ceremony: “I thank you from the bottom of my heart and from my wife’s bottom also.”
* Sign on rear of students car: I may be slow but I am in front of you.
* The doctor was examining the old battle-worn Master Sergeant whose chest was decorated with as many medals and ribbons as the cloth would allow.
“How many wars have you been through, Sergeant?” asked the doctor.
“Three,” replied the old veteran, “and I saw combat action in each one of them.”
“Tell me,” said the doctor “How do you feel when you kill a man?”
“Not bad, Doc,” answered the Sergeant. “How about you?”
* A woman’s boyfriend was leaving her and she asked him:
“Honey are you walking out on me?”
He replied “honey at this rate I am not walking. I am running.”
* A worried businessman sought the ear of a psychologist, explaining “All day long I eat grapes”.
“So what.” Scoffed the psychologist. “Everybody eats grapes.”
The Businessman gasped “What! Off the wallpaper?”
* When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a light pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim but a man rushed in and pushed her back “Step aside lady.” He barked. “I’ve taken a course in first aid.”
The woman watched him for a few minutes then tapped his shoulder “Pardon me,” she said, “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”
* Said the newlywed to her excited hungry groom:
“Gee, darling. I can’t wait to prepare dinner for you.
How do you like your Kentucky Fry,
Original or Spicy
* It’s not the men in your life that counts but the life in your men.
* A grade teacher told a five year old boy to spell ‘cow’ and he couldn’t.
The child went home and complained to his dad. The angry dad went to the teacher and demanded to know why she gave his son such a big word like ‘cow’ to spell, instead of giving him something small like ‘Mosquito.’