LAUGHTER THE BEST MEDICINE

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By Beverly André Davis

The following are actual exam answers written by college students from the United States and Canada:

In the first book of the Bible – Guinessess – Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain once asked: “Am I my brother’s son?”

Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birthmark.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He is famous only because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors.

Queen Elizabeth, the Virgin Queen was a great success. When she exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “Hurrah.

* A little American boy watched his mother try on a new dress “You sure are beautiful,” he assured her. “You look just like Abraham Lincoln!”

-Anonymous

 

 

* The teacher was explaining arithmetic problems and was delighted  to see a tall boy considered the dullest in the class was watching intently. At last he was beginning to understand.

When she had finished she said to him “You were so interested, Cicero I am so proud of you. I am sure you want to ask some questions.”

“Ma’am,” he drawled “I got one to ask. Where do them numbers go when you rub them off the board?

* A woman was scolding her boyfriend on how unromantic he was, to which he replied chuckling “Honey, if this isn’t love, it will have to do until my wife leaves for Europe

* A teacher who had just received her salary, took the money out of the envelope and held it up for the class to see.

“What is this Teddy Jones?” she asked.

“A pay envelope that contains your salary.” Said Teddy Jones.

“Any questions children?” asked the teacher.

“Yes, please teacher,” said one little boy with a puzzled frown “Where do you work?

* A man thanking his guest  at his wedding ceremony: “I thank you from the bottom of my heart and from my wife’s bottom also.”

* Sign on rear of students car:  I may be slow but I am in front of you.

* The doctor was examining the old battle-worn Master Sergeant whose chest was decorated with as many medals and ribbons as the cloth would allow.

“How many  wars have you been through, Sergeant?” asked the doctor.

“Three,” replied the old veteran, “and I saw combat action in each one of them.”

“Tell me,” said the doctor “How do you feel when you kill a man?”

“Not bad, Doc,” answered the Sergeant. “How about you?”

-anonymous

* A woman’s boyfriend was leaving her and she asked him:

“Honey are you walking out on me?”

He replied “honey at this rate I am not walking. I am running.”

* A worried businessman sought the ear of a psychologist, explaining “All day long I eat grapes”.

“So what.” Scoffed the psychologist. “Everybody eats grapes.”

The Businessman gasped “What! Off the wallpaper?”

-anonymous

* When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a light pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim but a man rushed in and pushed her back “Step aside lady.” He barked. “I’ve taken a course in first aid.”

The woman watched him for a few minutes then tapped his shoulder “Pardon me,” she said, “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”

-anonymous

* Said the newlywed to her excited hungry groom:

“Gee, darling. I can’t wait to prepare dinner for you.

How do you like your Kentucky Fry,

Original  or Spicy

* It’s not the men in your life that counts but the life in your men.

-Mae West

* A grade teacher told a five year old boy to spell ‘cow’  and he couldn’t.

The child went home and complained to his dad. The angry dad went to the teacher and demanded to know why she gave his son such a big word like ‘cow’ to spell, instead of giving him something small like ‘Mosquito.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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HOW TO HANDLE ANY PROBLEM

 

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By Beverly André Davis

Many years ago in ancient Bagdad an important Businessman sent his helper to the market. But soon the man returned trembling and agitated and said to the Businessman “Down in the market I was followed by a woman in the crowd and when I turned around, I saw it was Death that followed me. She looked at me and made a threatening gesture. Master, please lend me your horse, for I must hasten away to avoid her. I will ride to Samarra and there I will hide and Death will not find me.”

The Businessman lent him his horse and the helper galloped away in a cloud of dust. A little later the Businessman himself went to the market and saw death standing in the crowd. He said to her “Why did you make a threatening gesture to my servant?”

“That was not a threatening  gesture” said death “It was only a start of surprise, I was astonished to see him in Bagdad for I have an appointment with him tonight in Samarra.”

This Bagdad legend typifies our need for an escape route from the trials and difficulties of life. We run to escape and we do this in a number of ways: Alcohol, drugs, excessive sleep.

We feel overwhelmed by the pressures, responsibilities and hectic pace of life. Burnt out and discouraged many of us feel we can no longer cope. In today’s fast pace living and economic struggles many of us feel under pressure on a daily basis which makes us feel a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. We try actively to drown our problems in forgetfulness. Irrespective of our selected escape route, like the Bagdad  helper we cannot run away – we too have an appointment. Our appointment is not with a maze of confusion , hopelessness or helplessness but with looking for solutions. We have the inbuilt power, wisdom and intelligence to do so.

We hold our future in our hands. What we do with our lives is a matter of deliberate choice.

Irrespective of how bad things appear to be, look on the positive side, let the obstacles serve as challenges, make the silent resolve within yourself that you are going to defeat the problem. Look deep within yourself and know that there is no problem or difficulty that is impossible to solve. Problems are like mathematics—they come with their solutions.

COPING

You are not a victim but were born with the power to win at life’s difficulties. This mind set must be accompanied by a careful analysis of what  is causing the problem or obstacle. Try to identify reasons behind those problems. Then begin  to actively look for solutions ; as you do make each day joyful and challenging. Keep in mind that the need to be afraid of the challenges, the difficulties or the problem is in all of us. Put a smile on your face and meet it head on. A smile will give you a real boost as you search for the appropriate solutions to your problem.

SELF-ESTEEM AND PROBLEM SOLVING

The way in which you perceive yourself will determine to a large extent your level of confidence in facing any problem or obstacle and how successful you will be at finding a solution.

Do you feel lovable and are you accepting of yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, your failures and successes. Do you feel tolerant of and compassionate towards yourself? do you feel special. Are you your own best friend or do you feel like a nobody? Take time off to think of all your wonderful attributes. They are there. Look deep within yourself.

LEARN TO RESPECT YOURSELF Knowing who you are is one of the most vital requirements in the art of respecting yourself and developing high self-esteem, not running away from problems and recognizing that you can only gain strength by going through the fires of life. “No pain, no gain”. It is the bruises and wounds which will transform you into the dynamic and successful individual that God intended you to be. Believe in yourself. Believe in your inner resources.

You may think that it is difficult to keep on going that you have had too many disappointments. You may feel that life has been unfair to you, that it is hopeless to keep on fighting. Right now you might be inundated by a multiplicity of problems which seems insurmountable. You might even want to give up… don’t give up!

Make a mental note of your bad experience, circumstance or situation. Now ask yourself “Did I learn anything from it? Am I a stronger person because of it, did I become wiser, am I more sensitive? As you begin to realize that you have the inner power to handle anything, you will learn to believe in, to like and respect yourself a great deal more.

INTERNALIZE DETERMINATION

Lack of determination to succeed, not only robs you of energy and drive but it makes you shrink when you are confronted with problems or obstacles.

Develop the determination to succeed. You can do this by recalling past successes. Unfortunately, many of us take pleasure in dwelling on our failures rather than our successes.

Thinking of failures creates discouragement and a negative mind set. Focus on your successes. This will create new inspiration within you and make you rise above problems.

TRUST THE UNIVERSAL PRESENCE

There are times when you want to attain a goal so bad you can almost taste it, feel it, breathe it. But there are obstacles that are standing in your way which makes you feel you will fail. Doubts creep in.  You have given the problem everything that you feel you can yet the obstacle appears to be unmovable.

Don’t be discouraged. You have simply forgotten to include the God/Providence dimension. You efforts will be crowned with success. Learn well the virtues of patience. Today, you have not failed in your efforts. You have only been delayed. Keep on pushing . Each day brings you closer to a solution. All problems, all obstacles are movable. Tomorrow is another day. Success is just around the corner!

 

HOW TO FLATTEN YOUR STOMACH FOREVER

 

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By Beverly André Davis

For many people in their thirties and upwards the stomach is one of the most difficult areas to lose weight and keep consistently flat. if you fall into that age bracket you might have experienced the constant struggle with fat in the midriff and the constant yo-yo diet syndrome: losing weight followed by feeling great, caressing the waist line, beaming with pride and sense of accomplishment as you tighten your belt and feel it fit snuggly on your waist line. Sometimes you are even pleasantly surprise that you have a waistline. You had all but forgotten it’s existence. After several months your caressing hand comes across a bump and then another. You wonder when and how had it crept back. You are baffled. You all but forgot your love for mayonnaise; treating yourself to a large pizza after a hard day’s work, the quick take-away, the fries soaked in oil and of course Sunday deserts of ice-cream and a large cake plus a few extras.

Rick,  an accountant who had battled with a punch and a yo-yo diet for six and a half years  finally changed his method and lost six inches in twelve weeks; gave the following advise:

*Eat low fat meals that are nutritious. It is important that these meals are enjoyable so you will not feel deprived and be tempted to gorge on enjoyable foods.

*Healthy low fat snacks ward off hunger pangs.

*If you have the time it may be a good idea to cook your own low fat nutritious but enjoyable meals.

*Exercise regularly.

“I guarantee” said Rick “that you will be able to keep off your middle fat permanently. Although it is popularly believed that it is a losing battle to lose your potbelly permanently; people can and do get rid of unwanted beer bellies permanently.

If you’ve tried  countless times to trim your tummy, don’t despair. The hard work and persistence are well worth the effort.

YOUR BEER BELLY CAN KILL YOU

Beer bellies or  abdominal fat has been linked to heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, strokes and increased risks of some cancers.

What is an abdominal punch? It’s the unseen fat around vital internal organs such as the intestines and liver.

The experts tell us that If we fall into this category, here are the best ways to make our next tummy-flattening campaign a success:

*Eat less fat.

*cut calories

*Find the diet and exercise combination that works best for you.

Dieters who regain weight usually think flattening their tummies means giving  up all their favourite fattening foods.

*If you decide to enjoy yourself with your favourite foods do so in moderation.

MEN LOSE THEIR PUNCH FASTER THAN WOMEN

Any woman who has ever dieted with her mate knows that men lose their potbellies faster, Marc Smith’s wife Lisa, resolved to diet with him to flatten her own stomach. As the weeks went by her six foot three inch husband dropped inch after inch from his waist while Lisa four foot eleven saw her middle barely budge. Why do men seem to lose abdominal fat much more easily than women?

For one thing men have more muscle and other non-fat tissue, which burns fat even when they are asleep.

If two people weigh the same, the taller one, having more lean body mass will lose more rapidly.

TAKE SMALL SUSTAINABLE STEPS

Most of us make grand resolution when we decide to flatten our tummies. Winners usually accomplish their goals with many small victories.

They may start exercising by just walking around the block after dinner. Or they may skip butter on their pancakes. By taking small, sustainable steps, they don’t create hurdles they can’t clear.

One good way to begin is to eliminate one or two fatty foods. At lunch for example choose a turkey sandwich over tuna salad; in the bakery chose a bagel over a croissant.

Another small but crucial change: watch  less Television. When you sit  inactively before the tube, your metabolism can drop to its minimum resting rate. What is more, TV constantly tempts you with ads for fatty foods.

WHAT IS THE SECRET BEHIND EATING LOTS OF FRUIT AND VEGETABLES WITHOUT GAINING WEIGHT

Why can you eat a lot of fruit and vegetables without gaining weight? Because before you eat enough  to get fat, you’re  stuffed. Most fruit and vegetables consist mainly of water with a comparatively small percentage of carbohydrates. A gram of carbohydrates contains only four calories whereas a gram of fat contains nine. This means that you can have at least a pound of green beans for every ounce of butter – about 200 calories – you consume.

LOSSING YOUR TASTE FOR FAT

Some experts believe that as you lose your belly, you may also be losing your taste for fat.

CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY WORD

To get rid of that fat stomach bulge  you must burn energy. Exercise consistently – not harder but consistently.

While you may lose weight without exercise you won’t maintain your loss unless you get moving at least three times a week.

You only have to burn 300 calories more than you consume each day to lose up to 30 pounds in a year and it doesn’t matter whether you jog or weed the garden.

Aerobic or swimming burn fat fastest. But exercises that build  muscle, like weight lifting make you burn calories even while you’re asleep. Like most weight loss winners find the mix that is right for you.

NUTRITION

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By Beverly André Davis

I have a friend who seemed to have been on a strict diet all her life. Yet she seem to have difficulty losing the unwanted pounds. She finally decided to take herself in hand and look critically at the factor or factors that might be preventing her from shedding those unwanted pounds. First she looked at heredity. Did she have her parents to thank?

The experts believe that although heredity plays an essential role in some cases there are other factors that is worth consideration in the scale of unwanted pounds and difficulty in trimming off the excess baggage.

Some glandular diseases   and medications often play a role in putting on those unwanted pounds.

Many women date their weight gain to pregnancy and not shedding it after the birth of the child. “ Men can blame a sedentary lifestyle with notable lack of physical activity.”

However lifestyles, diet and physical activity are most important in fighting obesity.

However, one of the main reasons  for lack of weight loss despite dieting is regular consumption of fatty foods. In my friend’s case fatty foods was ruled as the culprit.  Although for years she reduced the amount she ate and kept up her exercise she could not shake off those pounds. She was addicted to mayonnaise. She ate little however she piled on the calories  with thick spreading of mayonnaise which is high in fat.

Health authorities recommend that our total intake of fat should be reduced to 30 percent or less of our total calories. Unfortunately, we eat too many foods that are high in fat. The average 2000 calories  diet contains 89 grams of fat (equivalent  to 8 teaspoons of butter).

Fat is hidden in many foods that we eat. Consequently, many people are unaware of which foods are high in fat or how much fat they consume.

Animal foods are the major fat culprit in our diet. One third of the fat in our diet comes from meat products and one fifth from milk and milk products.

Health authorities recommend that we consume 30 percent or less of our total calories as fat. 10 percent or less as saturated fat.

It is difficult to know how much fat is in foods. If there is nutrition information on a food label you can calculate the percentage of calories from fat in a serving of food.

For those who are good at maths a helpful nutritionist devise this method of calculating the number of calories from fat that is consumed in one serving:

  1. Multiply the number of grams of fat in one serving by nine to get the number of calories from fat.
  2. Divide the number of calories from fat by the total calories of one serving of food.
  3. Multiply the answer by 100 to determine the percentage of calories from fat in that food.

The following foods are high in calories from fat: Cream cheese, Bacon, sausages, cheddar cheese, peanuts and Brazil nuts, sunflower and sesame seeds, peanut butter, pork especially spare ribs, lamb chops, poultry especially with the skin on, sirloin roast, beef, whole milk, butter, chocolate bars, potato chips. Most of these foods are delicious and hard to ignore. However moderation will keep the pounds away.

A low fat diet is good for your health and can taste good too. You can still enjoy  a full range of flavours and favourites while choosing the types and amounts of food for a healthy diet modified in fat, saturated fat and cholesterol.

A fat reduced diet does not mean never being able to eat the foods you love. It means making gradual changes to control and modify your present diet to make it a healthier one. You can accomplish this by consuming:

*High fat foods less often

*Lower fat substitutes for example skim milk products instead of whole milk

*Smaller portions.

*Foods cooked by low fat cooking methods.

Here are some more specific guidelines:

  1. Use lean meat fish and poultry. Avoid well-marbled meats. Trim all visible fat off meat and remove skin from poultry before cooking.
  2. Eat more poultry and fish in preference to red meats.
  3. Eat controlled portions of meat, two to three ounces in one serving.
  4. Choose cooking methods that require little or no fat or oil. Grill, bake, brol, bar-b-que or steam instead of fry.
  5. Have meatless meals each week, using cooked dried peas, beans and lentils in casseroles, salads, soups or stews.
  6. Use the turkey-ham products instead of high fat luncheon meats, bologna and salami.
  7. Use smaller portions.
  8. Cook foods in wines, vinegars, fruits and vegetable juices, broths, herbs and spices instead of rich sauces.
  9. Fruits and vegetables and breads and cereals are usually high in complex carbohydrates. So fill up on these foods but be sparing with the fats you put on them.
  10. Most importantly to get rid of fat you must burn energy. Exercise consistently – not harder.